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I am writing this in hopes that nobody actually reads this. My head has been filled with millions of thoughts over the past week now. The shocking realization set in but the fact that she hates me is causing a huge problem. I want to make things write because I know that I was the one that pushed away and I see that it was my lack of faith and trust. Now that a child is going to be involved it is going to make things much more complicated. I don't know what I should do. I don't know how to make her stop hating me for this. I don't know if I will even get the chance to be a good father. I just want to make everything better, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I gave her a millions reasons why we shouldn't be together but she still adored me. I kept on pushing and she would always come back. The last time I pushed too hard not knowing what was in store for us. I relish in the idea of being a dad. The idea of looking out for the best interest of someone else is a very refreshing thought. I didn't think it would happen like this, but i am willing to make it work somehow. I just want to make it all better and I can't and now I'm feeling it. Desparation. please make it better.