Introversion to the max!

I need to stop thinking. Just stop thinking. When one is by themselves in a very isolated area for many hours day after day, it gets to you. My mind keeps on racing with ridiculous ideas about anything and everything that pops into it. It's the permanent dilema I seem to have. If I work 2nd shift somewhere I've a much more sane person but then I have to deal with people (which is not my most favorite thing). I just fear that I will end up like my mother soon. I can already see some of the things I hated in her sprouting up in my behavior. It could just be that I need to relax or get another job but I don't think any of that would help. I mean, this is a good job and I really do like it here. At the same time though I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Perhaps I need to get all of my thoughts out of my head and on to paper. I think I could write a book but it would be a massive jumble of thoughts that are not strung together (like Johnny Get Your Gun). I would go to a psychiatrist but they cost money that I don't have. The most overwhelming thought I constantly have is about why we are not a utopian society. I just am in total disbelief that with our intelligence as a people that we cannot stop fighting each other. Fear is a foreign concept to me and I see everyone else living in fear. Fear of war, losing money, death, etc., but the biggest fear I see in people is the fear of being alone. Fear that they need to be something else in order to stay with society. The fear that if everything isn't done a certain way or if your opinion doesn't fit in, you're out. It's fear that rules us. And my being alone and having time to think about my life. I realize that people choose to live in fear because they don't want to think, they don't want to decide, they just want to be happy. Which brings me back to the why we don't have a utopian society, which is the easy question. Peoples idea of happiness varies from person to person. And no matter how selfless some people can be. The majority are very selfish and egotistical. To eliminate an emotion would be a massive step in evolution and would probably take a great deal of time. I would imagine that our planet will have ceased to exist before the time comes that we could have perfection (*sigh*). I know our nature makes us so that we can't defy it for the most part, but it can be done. It's all a matter of choice.
But anyways I should probably end my ranting for a while and go back to sanity for a few moments. Maybe I am wrong, but all I do know is that society hasn't been what I would of hoped it would be when I was younger. I choose my own life and will not be misguided by fear perhaps we should all make that decision.

Shawn