Breakdown's alright

Howdy-doo everyone. I hope everyone had a very nice weekend. Me, I'm doing better now due to the fact that my breakdown is over. I was a big jerk this weekend to Shanna and out of nowhere just told her that, "I can't sit around and do nothing all the time!", which was quite out of place and inappropriat. Then I felt really bad after she left and slept for a long time. When I woke up I still felt like crap, so I did some stupid stuff like watching a movie and buying soda. Then I was still feeling bad so I went to see a movie (by myself because I was being a loner at the time). The movie I saw was "Sideways" and it had a really deep impact on me. It spoke out to me a lot about how I was feeling about my life being on a steady decline. The main character thinks that after he got divorced he just tries to hold onto the little pieces that he has left and doesn't try for anything more. So after the movie I called Shanna and apologized to her and was a total wreck. Thoughts were running through my head that I must get my plans going to start a career or something that has meaning for my future. I don't want to just hold onto the past. Now I feel much better and hopefully will be doing more things that will involve me actually progressing as appose to regressing. I must stop being so distant when it comes to my relationships with people. I had this feeling of being just okay for so long and I hate it. Being okay is terrible. There's just no emotion involved with it. It's a callus over feelings. When something bad happens to me I want to react to it. I want to have it affect me and my behavior. Not just shrug it off and say "no worries" or something to that effect. Well anyways, I probably should be doing some stuff here at work. I will keep on posting so keep on reading.

shawn